heart break.

i woke up heart broken in the best way.

i stretch my spine

my pelvis

my hips

and their story

each crack and crevice

slurping up all the cream

thick pain with a crusty rind peeling off the surface

this story is ready to go

a deep undercurrent sounds like my voice in every scene

lighting the candle to call it in

the world inside me and the world inside you

waits and works and waits some more

like an ant patiently creating its empire

twig and crumb

twig and crumb

a feast to feed it's village

what is this divine wanting?

to water each weed will never work for harvesting the nutrients to grow this story

holding on

like to a purse on the subway

moving in and out of our own traffic

so many stop signs

looking left and looking right

to be sure

to be cautious 

to be smart my mother would say

what's a mother again? 

the stop sign?

the car?

the light?

all of the above?

allowing the light to be green is an evolution

that i believe i can keep going is a revolution

i don't even know if there is a word for it

move to where you are looking

says the yoga teacher

i know if you breathe something good will happen

i know if you breathe out LOUD

you will inspire others to let go

let go and live

to live is to WANT

you can call it survival, i have for years.

until now.

until today.

i am opening up the hood to take a look at the engine

i am creating a new kind of fuel

a fuel that will run me straight into the kind of beauty that will break my heart again and again

inside the lavender, the tendrils of basil, the thick red veins of chard

inside the mountains so fierce and radical in their groundedness

oh how they move me

they are introducing me to the parts of me who have been sitting shivah for way too long

as i draw the floral linen shades up

the vastness grabs me again

she asks me to dance

call it what you want

it feels like heart break

in the best way.