baked kale chips.
figs.
banana ice cream.
peanut butter
allow.
allow
allow
allow
the teacher said
i inhaled & i exhaled
i laid there with my body yoga'd
allow
allow
allow
i want to share
i want to allow
on my first day of 38, 83, 830
allowing the beauty
my birthed body
my belly skin hangs like a drape
my wrists that can hardly hold me up
my swollen knee
alllllloooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww
that's all i can hear now
i might need you to repeat it for me
my incision is a bit lopsided
my marriage too
cutting & pasting
a new priority list
collaging my way
sketching a map
dusting off a compass
turning my ear to the ground
cold, damp, essential
the recipe calls for
gently folding
the egg white
of myself
into an old
doughy story
trusting the stainless steel bowl
turning under and over and
waiting for it to take
allowing for all of it
xxxx
birthday post//part 3//gifts.
i guess you could call it my creative human process. i cast my fishing rod and here are some of the incredible fish i have found recently... my feeding times are early morning walks, driving in the car or a few minutes at night before i pass out in bed... the quieter moments.. beauty in this still form.. in the transformative section of the menu... where the words steep inside my voracious pockets of expression, understanding, receiving, intimacy in a 'me too' kind of way, how others are doing it (life i mean) between filling the sigg bottles with water to putting pink polka dotted socks onto luscious little feet, trying to maintain sanity & feed the dog all in one breath.
i am a believer in giving gifts on my birthday! so here are a few offerings to feed you in the heart & home way.... i am so grateful for YOU! thank you for reading my words, sharing in my journey & feeding me with your stories. i am so happy to have you with me in this, our, beauty love fest.
LISTENING TO....
i just recently started to take my iphone on walks... it's become my 'walking church' when i listen to this amazing podcast called on being. my friend lara sent me an email in the new year that said 'this is your new years gift' and she was so right! it took me 3 months to listen to it and now i am hooked. it's a blend of spiritual, creative, intellectual & political interviews all in one. this is one of my favorite interviews with the awesome sylvia boorstein. this link takes you to the video as well... i listen to these when i am walking or in the car, so i don't watch anything, which has been my experience of this podcast.
READING...
i am slowly yet consistently getting thru brene brown's, daring greatly: how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent & lead. if i could, this would be my white oprah moment... i would send everyone of you this book! i can't wait for that day! anyway, this is such a good one... you want to highlight, underline & put on a t-shirt almost every sentence.
ON THE RADIO....
loving this one...
ALWAYS LOVING....
everything in this beauty fest of a store....
COVERING UP....
and then there is this for the table.. with every wash it gets better..in the store they have more choices & a lot of beauty wood boards that i could not find on the site.. it's worth a stroll over there...
WEARING//WANTING//ADMIRING....
this designer... and i will take one of each here. i am really loving this one though... and this one... maybe i want everything here! i have a few of the pieces and i wear them all the time. i love to feel good in what FEELS like me.. that is also super important to my well being.
YES PLEASE....
a week here... or here.... this one looks perfect for right about now.
may all your wishes come true! love you beautiesxxxx
birthday post//part 2//the cake.
birthday post//part 1//everything.
i found this old wish on my walk this morning
i am wondering if it has come true yet
are they still working on it?
making room for it
trying to make it work
within their lifestyle
every time i blow out a candle
i make a wish
usually about health or abundance
i wonder where it goes
what it takes to birth it
you know, make it happen
i want everything
i remember my everything when i
make a left off the 110
move the wet into the dry
soak the egg pan
draw the kids bath
and now, when i finally sit down with you
it's not as easy to remember
i want to feel happy all the time
i want to have a daily nap
& when i start to nap a little
i am probably going to want to nap some more
i want my body to feel better
i want to be friends
i want to eat dinner out
i want to go to the movies
i want to be alone
i want to go on vacation
i want to buy things, like shoes, good quality t-shirts,
blouses, dresses
oh and some sandals too
i want a life long membership to empathy
another one for massages, facials and all the up keep
i want a trip, every 3 months,
to check in with me,
meet my husband again
check in with our marriage
our values, our parenting,
our world that we are creating together
i want to soak inside my voice
sponge bath my way to me
float on the emotional support
that i am so hungry for
where do i ache
what needs to be filled up
the granola in the french terrine
the breast fed breasts
the tears that have been waiting in a single filed line
the wishes
the pink candles
the mourning for days of rest, days for another life perhaps
the gratitude, the blessings of this life
the fragile wrists, fingers, knees & toes
the truth inside who i am, who i want be,
what's growing inside me
my posture & my smile
i don't mean to hurt anyone
i also do a lot of dishes, laundry, toy pick up & feeding the dog
birthdays are an opportunity to go inside
draw the shades &
see what is glowing in the dark
what do i need to change, shift, pay more attention to
the conversation is
a poem of intentions, values,
morals
where do i stand today and where am i headed tomorrow
i don't know how to do anything without a ritual,
a swatch
of depth, some warm quinoa, sauteed kale &
some flax seed oil
i want to prepare better for death
i want my body to feel stronger
i want to feel flexible, lucid, flowing
i want yoga
i want to sit criss cross apple sauce with my kids
i want to do a push up
i want to experience fearlessness
i want to have sex with my husband
i want sex to be easy, normal, no big deal
i want to make food for sick kids
i want people to know about the need for beauty
i want to have all the money i need all the time
i want to swim in a warm ocean
i want to give money to those who need it
i want to travel
i want to show my children the world
i want to learn from other cultures
i want to experience more intimacy in everyday moments
i want to be a better parent
i want to stop myself before i lose it
i want to heal all the wounds
i want to trust you
i want to stop wanting so much
i want to hear your everything
xxxx
