A GREAT NEED
Of a great need
We are all holding hands
Not loving is a letting go
The terrain around here
i love birthdays. always have. always will. i love your birthday. i love my birthday. i love ritual. i love celebrating. i love a gathering. i love showing up. count me in.
this year, this birthday, leaving the 30's to initiate the 40's, i swam through molasses trying to get the right feel for what it would be, what was aligned with my heart, what felt true. the only clarity was the ocean. i wanted to be near or on the ocean. after going back and forth for days i had to surrender to not knowing. i shared this struggle with a dear friend, who sat with me for hours* trying to figure it out and what i kept coming up against or swimming inside of was the vulnerable terrain of my own heart break.
i thought i had healed it all up. needle and thread style. sutured up the lessons learned, the forgiveness (on-going), the breathing, the tears, the confusion, the anger, the crash landings, and the immense courage to let go. i am not sure if we ever get all healed up.... maybe it is inside all the healing we make room for more love and little by little, drop by drop, we don't feel as empty, as broken, as lonely.
i decided to call in a healing circle for my heart. coming into 40 might just mean more healing. i mean what else is there really? with some cake and cocktails too.... the women who came together were friends i have had for a long time. women who are healers and artists, mothers and daughters, poets and circle holders. their showing up started the conversation in my heart for what friendship looks like....
for as long as i can remember i have been insatiably curious about how women create, nourish and sustain their friendships. how some of us are best friends in an instant and others take longer to marinate. how we connect and hold space for each other, our growth and our mistakes, our values, how we respect each other or don't. how we dance around worth and esteem, vulnerability and shame. how we don't want to hurt feelings so we talk to someone else instead of each other about our hearts, our fears, our passions. how we run away, how we stay on the surface or how we dive deep to connect and hear each other. then add on marriage, motherhood, work and more needs then you ever imagined. how do we do it?
when it comes to friendship: i am pot committed. it is one of the most important relationships for me, for my nourishment and for my growth. friendship is a well of opportunity for me to show up, to learn empathy, to not judge, to speak my truth and to receive love. it can get pretty messy as we recreate the stories our mothers showed us inside their friendships, their sisterhood, how they related or didn't relate. i am finding that friendship is such a precious gift.
i believe we need each other more than ever. life is in full session. we have dreams to follow, we have babies to feed and we have marriages to nurture. we need a safe space to land even if it's a 2 minute hug with a me too on the end of it. i am calling in a healing circle for all of us. why are we not holding each other up, facing our fears to be daring with our hearts, creating safety for each other? why are we waiting when we are so hungry for this kind of connection? we are amazing when we get together. we make medicine. we drop down into our bodies. we write new stories. like hafiz says above: the terrain around here is far too dangerous for that.
i hope to inspire you to call in what you need on your birthday or any day... to call in what nourishes you, to ask for what you need, to start the cycle of receiving from those you love and those who love you. i would love to read your feelings, your stories about friendship... please comment below.