it’s a thank you on thanksgiving

it’s a time to mash, to roast, to hug warmth

feasts laden with cobalt, sterling & boats of gravy

shine, shine, shine that silver

i am so grateful

and it’s one of those things that never fills me up,

I crave more

I want to thank the world

the threads in my clothing

the pores in my skin

the static in the dryer because I am so lucky to have a dryer, things like that

I want to hear what you are grateful for

and then I can say thank you for all of that too

I can fit everything into this huge belly

devouring this amazing life

it’s so important to drop down

to feel it all

to let that shutting down thing go

why be here?

why live life if you can’t feel anything or you only get to feel what you want? as though you are able to get down and deep into the molasses and pick and choose what feels good i 

wish or maybe I don’t but I was not given that choice this time around

I want unconditional

I want to feel it

I want to tear all of our clothes off and box this shit out

I want to peel it, shred it and then smear icing all over it

balance could work too

and then I want to drop down even deeper

like the big dipper, shine those lights, be who you are

most people will not understand and that’s ok

some people will hate you and that’s ok

i am so lucky that I have a body that loves me

i am so lucky

i am sad too

i am hurting with my heart so grateful, it’s potent with

rawness and fluffy like a yam soufflé

i am a feast

i am thanksgiving

all I want to do is thank you

and then I want to understand everything

wooden spoons, ivory iron clad casserole dishes,

amber glasses with iced tea

orange pekoe or English breakfast

she loved oolong and jasmine

but hot, at a chinese restaurant on a sunday

I want to know where I stand

where to hold your hand

so that I don’t hurt you

why are we friends

if all I do is hurt you

if you can’t tell me

then you don’t know me

I am growing everyday

I am thanksgiving

I am a survivor

how can you teach the class

if you have not survived

the way I have?

how can you be thanksgiving if I am thanksgiving?

what is this cul-d-sac sack in the middle of the highway?

I need to get around this

I need to drive past something that makes sense

I am lost and the maps burnt off the side of the boat

when I was praying for things like freedom and intuition and poetry sundried with copper river salmon

and it’s foggy in here

and I need some sunglasses

oh maybe this cat mask will do

it will lighten every one up and

I am grateful for being good at that too