birthday post//part 1//everything.

i found this old wish on my walk this morning

i am wondering if it has come true yet

are they still working on it?

making room for it

trying to make it work

within their lifestyle

every time i blow out a candle

i make a wish

usually about health or abundance

i wonder where it goes

what it takes to birth it

you know, make it happen

i want everything

i remember my everything when i

make a left off the 110

move the wet into the dry

soak the egg pan

draw the kids bath

and now, when i finally sit down with you

it's not as easy to remember

i want to feel happy all the time

i want to have a daily nap

& when i start to nap a little

i am probably going to want to nap some more

i want my body to feel better

i want to be friends

i want to eat dinner out

i want to go to the movies

i want to be alone

i want to go on vacation

i want to buy things, like shoes, good quality t-shirts,

blouses, dresses 

oh and some sandals too

i want a life long membership to empathy

another one for massages, facials and all the up keep

i want a trip, every 3 months,

to check in with me,

meet my husband again

check in with our marriage

our values, our parenting, 

our world that we are creating together

i want to soak inside my voice

sponge bath my way to me

float on the emotional support

that i am so hungry for

where do i ache

what needs to be filled up

the granola in the french terrine

the breast fed breasts

the tears that have been waiting in a single filed line

the wishes

the pink candles

the mourning for days of rest, days for another life perhaps

the gratitude, the blessings of this life

the fragile wrists, fingers, knees & toes

the truth inside who i am, who i want be,

what's growing inside me

my posture & my smile

i don't mean to hurt anyone

i also do a lot of dishes, laundry, toy pick up & feeding the dog

birthdays are an opportunity to go inside

draw the shades & 

see what is glowing in the dark

what do i need to change, shift, pay more attention to

the conversation is

 a poem of intentions, values, 


where do i stand today and where am i headed tomorrow

i don't know how to do anything without a ritual, 

a swatch

of depth, some warm quinoa, sauteed kale & 

some flax seed oil

i want to prepare better for death

i want my body to feel stronger

i want to feel flexible, lucid, flowing

i want yoga

i want to sit criss cross apple sauce with my kids

i want to do a push up

i want to experience fearlessness

i want to have sex with my husband

i want sex to be easy, normal, no big deal

i want to make food for sick kids 

i want people to know about the need for beauty

i want to have all the money i need all the time

i want to swim in a warm ocean

i want to give money to those who need it

i want to travel

i want to show my children the world

i want to learn from other cultures

i want to experience more intimacy in everyday moments

i want to be a better parent

i want to stop myself before i lose it

i want to heal all the wounds

i want to trust you

i want to stop wanting so much

i want to hear your everything